Hot Slut Of The Day!

June 18, 2018 / Posted by:

The abuelita who was the sole reason why Mexico beat Germany in a World Cup match!

A  little local soccer tournament called FIFA World Cup is going down in Russia right now, and during a match yesterday, Mexico topped Germany. Now, usually when I hear that Mexico has topped Germany, I immediately grab the lotion and sing, “Dim all the lights, sweet darling, cause tonight it’s all the way,” thinking that I’m about to see a video of Mexican pocket hottie Gael Garcia Bernal topping Til Schweiger. But this was football, and Mexico won 1-0, making it the first time since 1982 that defendign champion Germany has lost in its World Cup opener.

This was apparently a big deal, because even my relatives from El Salvador (who trash talk Mexico all the time) cheered their nipples off, and later had to use a broom to knock their stuck nipples off the ceiling and walls. Mexico’s win apparently caused Mexicans to freak out and jump around so much that it caused a little earthquake in Mexico City. In elementary school, we were told to keep an earthquake kit full of the essentials in our yard just in case the Big One hits. Well, I better put a kit full of the essentials (vodka, the good shit, pork rinds, and a laptop preloaded with porn) on my patio just in case Mexico goes all the way at World Cup and its people create the Big One.

But really, Mexico owes their win to a grandma in Texas. Twitter user @paolaa_janet tweeted a video of her abuelita blessing the players at the start of the game while holding a bowl of sopa.

The power of an abuelita’s blessing is like no other! Neither is the power of the sopa! Now I’m going to need that abuelita to bless me before I go into my landlord’s office, because maybe then they’ll forgive me for being late on my rent and also tell me not to worry about the rest of the year. An abuelita’s blessing is THAT powerful! Todos Alaben!

Pic: Twitter

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