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June 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Hello Kitty’s Hello Colors! 

My brain sometimes keeps useless shit nuggets of information (example: like remembering all the names of the original Teen Moms) but yet deletes important memories of important historical artifacts, like the Hello Colors. I completely forgot they existed until the glorious image of them hit my eyes while doing research for a different HSOTD. Today, “Hello Colors” sounds like something certain members of the Trump administration would say when walking into a Latin American immigration town hall, but back in the 80s it wasn’t an ugly phrase. It was the name of a magical bathtime toy!

Because I grew up in a time and in a household where boys played with “boy” shit and girls played with “girl” shit (and yes, I remind my mom daily how her gender-boxing of me put scars on my soul that can only be healed if she buys me a mint-condition, still-in-the-box Peaches N’ Cream Barbie on eBay), I didn’t have my own Hello Color so I had to steal my sister’s. The Hello Colors were a line of Hello Kitty toys that were made of terry cloth and changed colors in the water. There were several Hello Colors including Hello Kitty, Rainbow Bear, Tuxedo Sam and My Melody. They were everything my friends and I aspire to be when getting ready for Pride.

Here’s a Hello Color commercial from the 80s. I was going to say that the image of that creepy dude taking a bath with a Hello Color is going to haunt my dreams tonight, but then I remembered that if I had a brand new Hello Color, I’d play with it in the bathtub too. And I say “brand new,” because the used ones on eBay are probably covered in some deadly grossness that makes E. coli look like sunshine and daisies.

And Hello Color wasn’t only a bath toy. I heard that when Mariah Carey thought she was pregnant, she pissed on one and two lines appeared on it before it sprouted wings, and flew up to the top of a rainbow to collect her twins.

Pic: Pinterest


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