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June 8, 2018 / Posted by:

Jell-O Pudding Bites!

Sometime in the early-2000s, Jell-O decided that what their brand really needed were little rubbery nuggets that looked like dingles that their pudding shat out if their pudding was constipated. Pudding Bites were gummy drops of pudding goodness that came in two flavors: vanilla chocolate and vanilla strawberry. They were Jell-O’s answer to Sunkist Fruit Gems.

I never got to put one of these in my mouth, but apparently some people still go to bed with Pudding Bites dancing in their head and pray to the Jell-O Pudding Gods (not to be confused with the Jell-O Pudding Satan named Bill Cosby) for their tongues to one day be reunited with those delicious chocolate blood clot-looking things. Jell-O took them off shelves not too long after they made their debut because they claim they didn’t really sell, but tell that to the people who want them in their mouths now! There’s a Change.org petition for those coagulated pudding balls (but what isn’t there a Change.org petition for?) and a handful of Pudding Bite-heads beg Jell-O on Facebook to bring them back.

Here’s the commercial for Jell-O Pudding Bites, which make me think that the secret ingredient was meth, because those stick figures are methed out.

In case you never got to taste one of Jell-O Pudding Dingles, and wonder what they tasted like, The Spokesman-Review did a taste test in 2004. If Michelin stars were given out for products, it’d get negative ten thousand stars.

“Bad,” said 6-year-old Drew Kazanis.

“Get these outta here,” 4-year-old Pierce Hubbard told his dad.

“Rubbery. (They have) only a faint flavor. Why would I bother to eat these when there are so many pleasant things available,” said food panel member Larry Inman.

“Like eating a flavorless, slightly less chewy than average rubber band,” said Donald Clegg.

“A colossal waste of time for the people who developed these,” she said.

Skip Hubbard had one suggestion for the makers of Jell-O Pudding Bites. “Perhaps these could be featured on (the television show) Fear Factor. ‘Next: Watch our contestants eat fake-tasting, chewy things.’ “

So according to these reviews, if you’re missing Pudding Bites, just splash a little chocolate milk on a Styrofoam peanut before putting it in your mouth.

And I really wish Top Chef existed back in 2004, because Pierce Hubbard would’ve made an amazing judge.

Pic: Pinterest

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