If anybody’s gonna give you the heebie jeebies just by smoking a cigarette intensely, it’s gonna be Tilda Swinton. In the remake of the 1977 Dario Argento classic horror movie Suspiria, Tilda gets to puffing while the string section of an unseen 3rd grade orchestra tunes up, and Dakota Johnson does some heavy breathing exercises that don’t end in her screaming her safe word while experimenting with 50 shades of butt stuff.
Here’s the super creepy trailer that’s everything Mother! wanted to be but wasn’t.
That’s a solidly creepy piece of work. Strangely, the scariest thing to me was the lady who folded her hands and the beginning with the long, thin thumb fingernails. That’s a bigger “yikes” to me than maggots on the face. No contest.
I know I’ve seen the original but can’t remember a thing about it. Like, objectively I know it’s a “good” movie but I think I’ve fallen asleep halfway through more than once. Everybody probably has that one film nerd friend who made you try to watch it. If not, then you probably are that film nerd friend. If you are, don’t be like mine and pop Suprisia (or any other Italian movie with subtitles) in the VCR after midnight when everybody is coming down from whatever and then get pissy when people fall asleep or talk during it. Sometimes we talk because we’re scared and can’t take the masterfully build tension! Or because we’re still too high.