“Suck This Pussy’s Dick!”: Damon Wayans Vs. Clayne Crawford

The supposedly resolved saga behind the scenes of FOX’s Lethal Weapon TV series had everyone asking the same question. No, it wasn’t if there was really a Lethal Weapon TV series? It’s more like Q: “Is there audio of stars Damon Wayans and the awkwardly named Clayne Crawford verbally bumping bro-titties?” A: Yes!

Thanks to Variety, there’s a full rundown of what went down complete with video and closed captioning! And it’s high drama, with someone telling someone else to suck a pussy’s dick! (That’s sort of a confusing request.) This snarled tangle of Hollywood egos would have made for a much more compelling series than one of crazy dick Mel Gibson’s dusty movie franchises.

To recap, things behind the scenes at Lethal Weapon: The Inexplicable TV Series were a straight-up shit show, culminating in co-lead Clayne  getting thrown out on his mustache. Clayne, who was reportedly a twat to everyone on the set as a matter of course, directed an episode in which Damon received a head laceration from shrapnel during a stunt gone wrong. Damon returned the next day and refused to shoot any more stunt-requisite scenes with Clayne as the director. They got into it verbally, and suddenly Stifler from American Pie was hired to replace Clayne in season three.

Variety tells us the simmering tension went full boil when veteran TV director Eric Laneuville, whom Damon worked on his last series with, was having issues keeping control of the set.

During filming of Season 2’s fifth episode, Laneuville butted heads with multiple actors, including Crawford. Sources said Laneuville was uncomfortable with the assertiveness with which actors made suggestions regarding dialogue and blocking, and their desire to improvise while filming. One actor told producers after the first day of shooting episode five that they no longer wished to work on future episodes directed by Laneuville.

The next episode that Eric directed included a scene at a public pool in L.A. The pool was supposed to have been closed but wasn’t. One shot had to be re-shot again and again because of background noise from some kids that were playing in the pool. Clayne decided to show off his child-nurturing skills by becoming the goddamn Batman and swearing his head off in front of the kiddies.

Sources said that Crawford became agitated by patrons of the pool — which was supposed to be closed, but was not — making noise near the set. In another video acquired by Variety, one take derails when Crawford, off camera, yells, “Shut the fuck up! Goddamnit Newman, fucking they’re right here! Get somebody in here with a fucking walkie and shut ’em the fuck up! Or did we not pay for this fucking place? If we did, shut ’em the fuck up!”

You can listen to that tantrum here. The scene involved Clayne’s “Riggs” character trying to talk a suicidal guy out of offing himself. Big ups to the other actor for continuing to act while “the star” threw a shit fit. He’s dedicated to his craft.

Clayne reportedly made things so uncomfortable that an assistant director walked off the set that day and quit for good. Things grew worse the next day when Clayne and the stunt coordinator fought with Eric over how they were shooting a car crash scene. Eric got so frustrated that HE walked off the set and also quit the next day, leaving Clayne and the stunt guy to finish directing the scene themselves and the show’s editor to complete helming the episode. Incidents such as these led to the cast and crew dividing into Team Clayne and Team Fuck That Mustache.

And then the Clayne-directed twentieth episode rolled around. The shrapnel flew and Damon left. The next day Clayne decided to let Damon know his feelings after Damon refused to shoot any more Clayne-directed scenes that required stunts. Here’s their exchange:

Crawford: “You know, I’ve seen [name deleted] handle hits better than you did yesterday.”
Wayans: “Suck my dick.”
Crawford: “You know, that was the biggest pussy move I think I’ve ever seen.”
Wayans: “Yeah, I’m a pussy.”
Crawford: “A pussy. You’re the biggest crybaby pussy I’ve ever met in my life.”
Wayans: “Well suck this pussy’s dick.”
Crawford: “I mean, how does it feel to only be in the game because your fucking brothers are in the game?”
Wayans: “Fuck you. Fuck you.”

You can listen to that here. All of this culminated in an almost brawl between Clayne, Damon, Damon’s assistant, and one of the show’s producers. Things got so sorry that the studio hired Pinkerton guards to be present during shooting for the rest of the season.

Fox and Warner Bros eventually decided Clayne Crawford was the issue, and suddenly Stifler’s signed on to play the long-lost cop brother of Riggs or whatever.

First, Clayne needs to pull his mustache down over his lips because I’m Gonna Git You Sucka is an incredible movie and anyone associated with it deserves to be a star regardless whether they’re a Wayans sibling or not. Secondly, shrapnel in the head would make anyone cranky. Thirdly, some people work in mines or care for dying people or have to pose nude for art classes for very little money who are grateful for their jobs and don’t bitch this much about their situations in life.

Pic: WENN