Good news for thirsty bitches everywhere! Bottomless mimosa Idris Elba continues to make money moves and recently signed a deal to star in an adaptation of The Hunchback Of Notre Dame for Netflix. This the second project he’s announced with Netflix, the first being the Manny/DJ comedy Turn Up Charlie. That Manny/DJ show sounds cringey on paper. But it’s a comedy so it could be fun. But Hunchback is like, high brow art for grown-ups, right? No more dicking around with turntables and nobs and no more singing, Idris. Just give us some darkly brooding hump flexing.
According to The Hollywood Reporter:
Idris Elba will star as the hunchback of Notre Dame for Netflix. The Golden Globe winner will also direct and produce the project under his Green Door production shingle and will be producing original music for the feature, which is being described as a “sonic and musical experience.”
Oh, Idris. How could you. True story! As I was writing this, I opened up Idris’ Instagram account in one tab and his YouTube channel in another. I wanted to see if there was an appropriate clip I could share. So I was looking at this clip…
While this one was open in another tab.
I hit play on the little IG guitar session (that laugh, tho. It reverberated throughout my vaginal walls) and the unbeknownst to me, the other video started auto-playing. Do yourself a favor; play both at once. I was watching that IG vid and hearing “Dream On Butts” laid over it thinking, “Idris, you are doing too much! This is terrible“.
Here’s what I’m going to need if we’re moving forward with Hunchback. I’m going to need to be the one to fit Idris’ back for his hump prosthetic. I see no other solution. Yeah, it’s got to be just me and Idris, in a room with a vat of slightly above body temperature liquid latex, a dozen heavy duty trash bags and an ungodly amount of Vaseline. Once last caveat; I pick the music.