Open Post: Hosted By Nicolas Cage Bringing On A Wave Of Panty Pudding With That Hot Outfit 

I’ll wait here as you scream at a co-worker or a friend to grab a spatula and pry your parts from your screen. Because I’m sure your coochie or asshole immediately suctioned to your monitor at first sight of Nicolas Cage looking like a Dollar Menu Siegfried or Roy in a blazer from a Walgreens pimp costume and sunglasses bought in a gas station between Los Angeles and Reno.

Nicolas Cage and his girlfriend, Erika Koike, who is giving me Asian Pia Zadora vibes, were papped going to some restaurant in Beverly Hills last night. Since Nic is still watching his finances so his financial situation doesn’t once again become as tragic as his IMDB credits from 2008 to current day, I’m sure he and his child girlfriend both ordered ice water and agreed to share the complimentary bread basket. But I bet the diners around them sent them lobster, caviar, filet mignon (although, Nic probably sent that back since cows don’t fuck in a dignified way according to him), and other opulent food items as a thank you for delivering some protein rich glamour to the restaurant. That was the right thing to do. Because looking like Clarence and Alabama from True Romance after winning a bunch of cash from a Scratchers and spending it all on lip fillers, spray-on beards, and a shopping spree at the Cavalli outlet IS the look.

Pics: Backgrid