Hot Slut Of The Day!
Jerad Kluting, the Louis Vuitton lovah who would take a bullet for his precious bag!
Honorable HSOTD mention goes to the Louis Vuitton bag that Jerad would take a bullet for.
That LV has Jared so wrapped up in its strap that he’s willing to die for that bitch. Bitch has got him pursematized in a serious way. We all spend our lives looking for someone to love us as much as Jerad loves his LV.
Jerad Kluting tells WOODTV (my favorite local TV station and I’ve never seen it) that he was struttin’ that ass with his soulmate, his LV bag, down the street in Holland Township, Michigan at around 5pm on Monday, when a thief pulled a gun on him and demanded the leathery love of his life. That stupid piece of trash robber probably thought it was going to be an easy job. The robber probably saw a queen with an LV and thought he’d just have to wave a gun and the queen would shriek like that gun was a spider, drop his LV and run. But motherfucker had the wrong one.
The robber fired a warning shot, but that didn’t bring one spooked feeling out of Jerad and he let the thief know he wasn’t giving up his Louis Vuitton. The robber fired a second warning shot, and Jerad said, “You’re gun may have stuttered, bitch, but I didn’t, you’re not getting my bag.” (Let’s just pretend he said that.) The robber fired a third shot, and still, he didn’t get what he wanted. Clearly that robber isn’t about that robber life.
The thief gave up, but was eventually arrested by cops who say he’s got no previous record. And I’m sure he’s not going to add to that record, because he’s been scared straight by a Not The One Gay.
Jerad says that he fell in love with his LV bag at first sight, and saved up the $1700 to buy it. And now that they’re together, he’s never letting it go and he’ll probably be buried with it.
“I was like, ‘You’re not getting my Louis Vuitton.’ I worked very hard for this and this bag I’ve had forever and it means a lot to me. I wasn’t about ready to relinquish it to some thug that was going to demand it from me.”
He also has something to say to those who think he’s dumb for risking his life for a bag.
To those who might think he’s crazy for not giving up the bag, Kluting had this to say: “As my grandmother would say, if you’re born to hang, you’ll never drown.”
Cher Horowitz, who almost got shot for not wanting to ruin her Alaïa, would be so proud of Jerad Kluting.
This is the happiest of happiest endings. If Jerad did give up his Louis Vuitton, it’d probably be sold on eBay to the parent of a bratty 13-year-old girl who’d open it up on her birthday and throw it in the trash for being used. If Jerad got shot and had that Louis Vuitton pried out of his dying hands, it’d probably be sold on eBay to the parent of a bratty 13-year-old girl who’d open it up on her birthday and throw it in the trash for being used and covered in blood. What I’m saying is that Jerad and his LV could’ve been parted and they weren’t.
This is like a way better version of Romeo & Juliet, because it’s got a happy ending where they all live!
Pic: WOODTV