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May 13, 2018 / Posted by:

The Little People Mom From The 80s!

And from the 70s too… I think.

Fisher-Price’s iconic and timeless Little People made their debut in 1950, but it took a full decade for the Little People family to hit the toy game. The Little People family was made up of a dad, a mom, a son, a daughter, and a dog. They were the perfect family!!!! (Except I’m sure the dad was fucking Barbie on the side, the mom had a pill addiction because her husband was fucking Barbie on the side, the son was expelled from school for head-butting a kid, the daughter kept running away, and the dog had to wear diapers due to always pissing itself over the anxiety it had from living with a bunch of crazies.)

The Little People have gone through several changes since their birth. But the Little People I know the best are the ones who had naturally Facetuned-to-another-dimension faces (the Kartrashians wish!), no legs, no arms and were shaped like a deformed, short dick. (If you need further proof that I look at everything through peen-shaped glasses and can see a dick in almost anything, read the last part of the previous sentence again.)

On this blessed holiday known as Mother’s Day, I’m going to pay tribute to the Queen of the Little People: the mom! The Little People mom always kept it classic and glamorous with that slicked back middle part bun, that goth black lipstick and those gorgeous three prong plug eyes. And the original Boxing Helena was able to achieve that kind of beauty without having no hands!

Like most companies, Fisher-Price has fucked with a very good thing by changing the Little People. My thorough research on the history of Little People (read: a two second Google search) led to me finding out that this might be the latest Little People mom:

That raggedy hair bun… Those basic brows… Those lash-less eyes… That non-matching tragic outfit… And she’s got hands! What is her excuse? If the Little People mom of the 80s had hands, she’d put her face in them while shaking her head over her homely-looking future.

Happy Mutha’s Day to all you mothers!

Pics: Judy’s Vintage Fisher Price Toys , Amazon

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