Hot Slut Of The Day!

May 10, 2018 / Posted by:

Martin Jones, the man from Dublin who instantly went from Fuck This Trash Shit to @asdlfkjljkviouasdf!!!!@@!!! when Ireland made it through to the Eurovision final.

The gayest event of the year besides every WWE match, any football game that Crispy Ronaldo plays at, and the Scientology Christmas Show is covering Lisbon with several layers of sequins this weekend when the Eurovision final goes down. Twenty six countries will yodel to the death for the win. On Tuesday night, it was announced which countries from the semi-finals were going on to the finals. Ireland’s entry is Together, a song from Ryan O’Shaughnessy about a true love gone bad because one of them is cheating skank.

The video features two dude dancers who swirl out some Mia Michaels-created lyrical moves on the streets. The dude dancers recreated the moves during Ryan’s performance at Eurovision. Their dance is just like most of my first dates, except for twirling out synchronized and delicate dance moves of romance, one of us is wondering if we’re going to do it or did he Nair his asshole for nothing and the other is wondering if he should fake diarrhea or fake a dead relative to get out of the date early (I’ll let you decide which one I am usually).

Now on to the real star of this post: Martin Jones!

To say that Martin Jones wanted his homeland of Ireland to go on to the finals is an understatement as big as saying Kanye West says stupid shit. While watching the announcement at home (Martin lives in a library, apparently), Martin had several coronaries, a couple of seizures, lost all his pubes, and lost 25 years of his life as the hosts named the finalists and named every country but Ireland. It’s as if those evil hosts were torturing poor Martin on purpose. But at around the 1:49 mark in the video below, Harvey Fierstein’s Irish brother gets those 25 years, and then some, added to his life when Ireland is finally named as a finalist. This is “Christmas Day when you’re 8 years old and your parents got a good bonus that year” joy. This is “they put an extra Double Double in my bag at In-N-Out” joy. This is “MultipleCummer8inTop tapping you back on Grindr” joy.

And now the only country I’m rooting for is Ireland, because the sky would look so magnificent after Martin Jones explodes into a million fireworks over his country winning it all.

Pic: @ColmFlynn1

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