Back when I was a kid, I couldn’t use the threat, “I’m calling the cops!”, on my abuelita, because the cops probably would’ve gladly held me down as she chancleta’d the stank out of me. But times have changed, and nowadays the cops will put a Florida granny in handcuffs even if the brat she slapped with a chancleta (or a slipper in this case) is 46 years old.
The Daytona Beach News-Journal says that 95-year-old Hattie Reynolds was sick of her no-good 46-year-old granddaughter Janeen Williams staying in bed all day and sucking up the air conditioning. I’m speaking from experience when I say that hell hath no fury like an old whose electrical bill has gone up by even one cent because you turned on the A/C. It could be the temperature of Satan’s fart inside of my mom’s house, but if I even thought about turning on the A/C, she’d throw me a death glare that’d make me back away and take my ass to cool off on the bathroom floor with her cats.
When Janeen broke the #1 rule in life (don’t fuck with granny) by yelling and cursing at her grandma, Great-Memaw Hattie slapped her in the face with a house slipper. When even a slipper to the face failed to tame that middle-aged brat, Hattie called the non-emergency line of the Daytona Beach Police Department and asked for their help.
“I got a gran in my bed and I can’t … get her out from my bed,” said Reynolds, calling from her home on Loomis Avenue. “I ain’t got nothing to pay bill on air condition all the time for her to go into the room.
“She won’t get out of my bed. I want her out of the bed, I don’t want to get myself in trouble … cause she don’t listen after me,” the great-grandmother said.
The police showed up and talked to Hattie and Janeen. Janeen told the cops that her grandma slapped her in the face with a slipper, but she wasn’t injured and didn’t want to press charges.
“Hattie Reynolds said that Janeen Williams, her granddaughter would not get out of the bed and was screaming and swearing at her. (Hattie Reynolds) then began to start yelling and smacked (Janeen Williams) in the face with the shoes she had on,” officers wrote in their report.
Because of domestic violence laws, the police arrested Hattie and kept her in jail overnight. She was released the next day. Daytona Beach Police Chief Craig Capri said that officers didn’t want to arrest a 95-year-old granny, but they had no choice. One seasoned defense attorney told the News-Journal that the cops didn’t have to arrest Hattie. They could’ve just given her a notice to appear and left it at that.
There’s a good reason for why Hattie Reynolds looks so calm in her mug shot. She’s getting comfort in plotting to get back at all those bitches who have wronged her and are the reason why she’s sitting in jail instead of watching Wheel of Fortune while eating frozen grapes.
Janeen Williams better be in a shady motel room trying to buy a new identity from identity thieves, because Hattie is coming for her.
Police Chief Craig Capri better be on his way to Capri, because Hattie is coming for him.
The arresting officers better be hiding in a place that no grandma will ever go (a restaurant with no early bird specials), because Hattie is coming for them.
Hattie and her slappin’ slippers are coming for them all!!! The Wrath Of The Chancleta: Hattie’s Revenge is my new favorite John Woo movie.
Pic: Volusia County Correction