Today is Cinco de Mayo, the day when many drunk American messes use the excuse of “celebrating Mexico’s independence” (which is actually celebrated on September 16) to put on a sombrero from Party City and a stick-on “fiesta” mustache from Walmart and get plastered on well tequila and beer.(Cinco de Mayo is actually a celebration of the Mexican army’s victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla in 1862 and beer companies later turned it into a $$$-making beer holiday in the U.S.)
Cinco de Mayo is also another day when I pay tribute to just one of the many magnificent things from Mexico. That picture may look like a promo shot for a gay porn parody of It (where they all play Peenywise), but it’s actually a promo shot for Wapayasos, a troupe of shirtless clowns who are battling against child obesity in Mexico. Michelle Obama, who?!!!
Wapayasos was put together in Guadalajara by a group of hot young pieces who are concerned about the child obesity rates in Mexico. They performed at children’s parties, but found worldwide internet FAME earlier this year when a video of them shaking their muscle nipples while singing about a mango. This song is called The Relaxed Mango, and that’s not a euphemism for something sexy. Suddenly I really wish I was the parent of a fat kid so that I could book Wapayasos for an educational party in my living room, and by that I mean send my fat kid to Chuck E. Cheese with a babysitter and let Wapayasos educate me on the importance of eating healthy by humping the air with their crotch salchichas.
Yes, this is for chirrun.
But Wapayasos isn’t only about using their muscle tits to take down childhood chunkiness, they also use their muscle tits to take down school yard bullies! Again, this is for chirrun.
A funny thing happened after Wapayasos and their bare nipples hit the eyes of the internet, the gays and peen-loving ladies ate them up. Wapayasos did events at gay clubs and bachelorette parties, and continued to give us fap-worthy gifts like this scene straight out of the Scientology Celebrity Centre bathhouse gym. Twerk your rock hard asses to that Scooby Doo song, Wapayasos!
So by day, Wapayasos entertain, educate and keep children preoccupied with songs about a mango:
And by night, they entertain the growns at the club:
Now we know that another way to say “Get you a man who can do both” is “Get you a Wapayaso!”
Pic: Instagram, which is an endless trove of panty creaming treasures. (For Leonel!)