Now I’m not saying that Colton Haynes’ marriage to his flower daddy Jeff Leatham was doomed as soon as they chose Pimp Mama Kris to officiate their wedding, but I am saying that Colton Haynes’ marriage to his flower daddy Jeff Letham was doomed as soon as they chose Pimp Mama Kris to officiate their wedding.
Six months ago, 29-year-old Colton Haynes married 46-year-old floral designer Jeff Leatham in a big, gay and lavish all-star Palm Springs ceremony that PMK officiated. I say all-star only because Melanie Griffith was a guest and that’s really all you need to make your event all-star. And seven months before that big, gay and lavish wedding ceremony, Jeff proposed to Colton in a big, gay and lavish engagement ceremony featuring Cher, bitch! And now TMZ reports that Colton and Jeff are over.
Sources tell TMZ that they’re not sure why Colton and Jeff’s marriage has face-planted into the gutter, but it has. Colton and Jeff haven’t confirmed this yet, but we don’t need a statement. I mean, Colton has stopped following Jeff on Instagram and erased all pictures of Jeff’s face from his Instagram. It’s THAT serious. That’s the only proof we need, and our thoughts and prayers should be with Colton’s fingers right now, because his page was covered with lovey dovey ass pics of him and Jeff so he had a lot of deletin’ to do.
Colton also went full 13-year-old on MySpace circa 2004 by releasing a song called “Man It Sucks” yesterday:
Colton and Jeff should go out the same way they went in: with a big, gay and lavish ceremony featuring Cher! Cher can sing Believe and hopefully Cher will sing it loud enough to drown out the sound of Pimp Mama Kris cackling over her curse working. Satan just gave her another bonus.