Now is the time to grab your friends, neighbors, and a priest and form a prayer circle around whichever long-term celebrity couple you thought was untouchable to the curse of the shocking split. I will not be joining you sadly, because I will be off mourning the one couple I honestly never, ever thought would utter the words, “It is with a heavy heart….“. People says that The Cars’ Ric Ocasek and my personal favorite ANTM judge Paulina Porizkova announced that their 28 year marriage is over.
Paulina and Ric had been together since 1984 after meeting on the set of The Cars’ video for “Drive.” If you count their time before marriage, that’s 34 years. That’s three lifetimes in normal people years. I’m almost positive that after the 30-year mark, the official office of celebrity behavior sends out a notice that says: “Hi, we have it in our files that you’ve been together for three decades. Please call our office to let us know if we’ve made a mistake.”
53-year-old Paulina posted a message on Instagram saying that she and 74-year-old Ric split up sometime last year and they’ve kept things peaceful for the sake of their family. They share a 24-year-old and a 19-year-old son. Gwyneth Paltrow can hang her head in shame. She may think she’s a lock for the most creative celebrity split announcement of all time, but she’s got nothing on Paulina’s over the top use of motorist-themed puns.
Bless Paulina for taking something as big of a bummer as a divorce announcement and turn it into an opportunity for puns. Nothing lightens the mood like some good wordplay. And I appreciate that she went with cars-themed jokes, and not jokes about The Cars’ songs. It might have walked the line of too cheesy to write: “Uh oh, it’s not magic anymore, which is why we’ve decided to shake it up and drive to a divorce lawyer.”