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April 27, 2018 / Posted by:

Hugo: Man of a Thousand Faces! More like, Hugo: Man of a Thousand SANTO DIOSes!

Wikipedia tells me that the brain of director/writer/actor/makeup artist named Alan Ormsby must be a fountain of dark-sided unholy evil, because it came up with the idea for Hugo: Man of a Thousand Faces. Alan starred in a movie called Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things, and I don’t know if he agrees with that, but I do know he doesn’t agree that children’t shouldn’t play with scarier-than-fuck things, because that’s exactly what Hugo was.

The now-dead Kenner toy company decided to help Alan spread evil by producing and selling Hugo in 1975. Hugo was a puppet who came with glasses, wigs, a makeup kit, an eye patch and glue-on accessories (noses, chins, etc…). Let’s just pretend that Hugo’s “glue-on accessories” weren’t really facial features he cut off his victim’s faces. Hugo, who looks like the spawn of Tilda Swinton and a skinny Tom Coliccho, used all of those things to disguise himself. Let’s also just pretend that he didn’t need to disguise himself because his real face was on wanted posters in every post office and he needed to look different in the face to trap his next victim. Hugo was basically like Mr. Potato Head if Mr. Potato Head was the son of Satan.

Here’s some of Hugo’s disguises from “Moe Howard as a Bond villain” (fourth one) to “Lady Elaine Fairchilde’s¬†tragic racist drag queen vampire brother” (sixth one) to “Pimp Mama Kris after an eyelid surgery gone wrong” (eighth one) to “Is that mess supposed to be Fu Manchu?!” (second to last).

Hugo was in The Pee-wee Herman Show, and a Virtual Hugo exists on the internet (if you feel like bringing that kind of evil into your home), and They Actually Made That did an episode on him. Toy collectors are also into Hugo and he goes for hundreds of dollars on eBay.

To me, it’s crazy to spend hundreds of dollars to bring a soul-sucking nightmare creature into your house. If I want to bring a soul-sucking nightmare creature into my house, I don’t have to spend any money. I just have to invite one of my cousin’s little kids. But seriously, don’t even look into Hugo’s eyes in the picture above. He will eat your soul through the screen. I can look into his eyes, though, because I don’t have a soul. Joke’s on you, Hugo!

Pics: @41strange

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