You’ll Never Believe Who Prince Hot Ginge Chose As His Best Man… (It’s Prince William, Duh) 

April 26, 2018 / Posted by:

The day when my internal organs all raise up several white flags after I repeatedly pour bowls of Why Me? stew (uncooked cake batter, a box of wine, 2 pounds of snickerdoodle weed cookie crumbs, 4 blended up Double Doubles, and my own tears) into my crying hole is a little over three weeks away. That means news about Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle’s wedding is going from “Jesus Christ, Make It Stop” to “Jesus Christ, Buddha, Allah, Krishna, And Bea Arthur, Make It Stop.

Kensington Palace has already announced shit about the wedding cake, the wedding flowers, the guests, and the music (which surprisingly doesn’t include Meghan Markle singing Boom I Got Your Boyfriend to us haters at her wedding reception). And today, Kensington Palace burped up the announcement that we’ve all been waiting for. No, not the announcement that Prince William and Duchess Kate named their third kid Prince Morrissey Is Trash of Cambridge. Kensington Palace announced that PHG has chosen his brother as his best man. Who else, really? The British royals are like 12-year-old me: they don’t have fwends!

Kensington Palace first tweeted that PHG asked his brother to be his best man:

And then they tweeted that P. Willy said yes:

Club owners in Switzerland better up their insurance, because the walls of their clubs are going to shake off the foundation when P. Willy busts out his explosivesuburban dad dancing to an Ace of Base song after having half a beer at a barbecue” moves at Prince Hot Ginge’s bachelor party.

P. Willy being PHG’s best men was a given, but I was hoping he would shake boring, predictable things up and name Prince George as his best man. And only because if Prince George was standing next to PHG on the altar during the wedding, he wouldn’t have to strain his little royal vocal cords by loudly screaming, “Bitch, I do!”, from the pews after the priest asks if anyone objects. You know, he could just say it in his normal voice.

Pic: Wenn.com

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