I’m going to have to go out and get another job doing manual labor out in the NOPE fields in order to harvest enough of them to accurately convey my reaction to the tarantula burger made by Bull City Burger in Durham, North Carolina. In fact, I predict it might ignite a global NOPE shortage the scale of which we have not seen since September. Here’s a hot commodities tip, sell pork bellies and frozen concentrated orange juice, buy NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPES.
According to USA Today, Bull City Burger has added the tarantula burger as part of its annual “exotic meat month” which is held every April. In addition to the aforementioned NOPE burger, they have also served “iguana, camel, alligator, and various insects”. They even have an exotic turkey burger for sale this month, which tells you all you need to know about the adventurous eating habits of North Carolinians.
I’m really struggling with where to embed this burger picture for you. I know you need to see it, but I also fear you’ll blame me for ruining your life. I should have done it already, right after the jump but that seemed cruel. Do you want it now? Maybe I can tell you a little bit more about the burger first. Picture it in your mind for a bit and then when you see the real thing, it won’t be such a shock.
The tarantula is “cooked”, if that helps. The restaurant orders 15 farm-raised tarantulas and if you want to try one, you have to enter the world’s worst lottery (sorry Shirley Jackson, The Hunger Games reaping and the Vietnam Draft, this is worse). USA Today says:
Once the raffle number is drawn, the winner has 2 days to schedule a date with their tarantula Burger: a pasture-raised NC beef burger, gruyere cheese, oven-roasted tarantula, and spicy chili sauce.
Here’s what BCB says it tastes like. These are patent lies. I can already tell you how it tastes: It tastes like whatever you think a tarantula tastes like.
People say it tastes most like crab, or other shellfish, sometimes with a bit of a metallic-y taste. BUT, the legs, the body…each bite tastes a bit different. Best way to answer that question? Try one for yourself!
— Bull City Burger (@BullCityBurger) April 9, 2018
Somebody else actually had the nerve to say it tasted “much more bitter” than she expected.
If you finish the burger you get a commemorative t-shirt that can be draped across your grave.
Ok, are you ready? Try not to hit me in the eye when you throw those NOPES.
Martha did it yesterday, Randall did it today, and now it's David D's turn to give it a shot!
David D. ticket # 907656 give us a call and claim your tarantula burger. ?️ pic.twitter.com/rZh5cvTHKB
— Bull City Burger (@BullCityBurger) April 6, 2018
And that’s a wrap on America, folks. If you thought #45 would be the nail in our coffin, he’s just been out NOPED by an arachnid.