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April 23, 2018 / Posted by:

China’s jaywalking squirt machine!

China hates jaywalking more than Kanye West hates humbleness and reasonable thoughts. They have gone to great lengths to take down those diabolical demons who dare walk across the street when the lights tell them not to move one damn toe. Police have punished jaywalkers by making them shame themselves on social media, and authorities put together a PSA starring a  troupe of dancing memaws doing the “Waiting For Red Lights” dance. Surprisingly, a troupe of memaws doing the “don’t jaywalk” shuffle didn’t hypnotize the people of China to stop jaywalking. So the government has taken shit further.

China Daily says that at a crosswalk in Daye, a city in the province of Hubei, police have set up yellow machines that spray water vapor at jaywalking bitches. Possible jaywalkers are warned before getting sprayed. A robot voice tells them that the light is red and if they walk anyway, they will get a vapor bath. The security bureau for Daye had this to say about the little yellow pillars that are so disgusted with jaywalkers that they spit at them and take their picture!

“The machine has two systems with different functions. One is facial recognition; the other provides reminders and warnings. It photographs people crossing against red lights and uploads the images to the police database to determine their identities. Meanwhile, a large electronic screen at the intersection will instantly display their photos. If it senses someone running a red light, it will spray water vapor and warn pedestrians by voice and laser.””

The security bureau claims that in the first three days of their jaywalk-blockers being in service, fewer people crossed during red. They plan to expand it to others crosswalks in the city if it continues to work. Here’s that mess in action:

Why do I have a feeling that this crap is going to backfire in the summer, and the amount of jaywalkers is going to increase by a million percent? Overheated people are going to jaywalk just so their hot asses will get cooled off with mist. That’s luxurious! Not only that, but if always have peen on the brain like me and squint your eyes, those things could maybe pass as weirdly-shaped dicks. So I’d jaywalk every chance I got to get squirted on by a peen-looking thing.

Pic: Twitter

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