And Now Everyone Can Worship Beyoncé For Real At An Upcoming Mass In San Francisco

April 20, 2018 / Posted by:

If you were to ask the Beyhive how they felt about their Queen Beyoncé’s performance at Coachella last weekend, first they would throw you a side eye before correcting you with “You mean BEYCHELLA?”. Then after they’ve shamed your ignorance they will answer by dropping to their knees and chanting “We’re not worthy!” like Wayne and Garth. I think that’s how they start each day anyway. Luckily they can take those quick knee dropping skills to the Grace Cathedral in San Francisco, because they’re about to have a Beyoncéthemed mass that’s tailored just for all of her adoring stans.

NBC Bay Area reported about an upcoming mass, held through Grace Cathedral’s contemporary worship service The Vine that will pay homage to Our Lady of Lemonade on Wednesday April 25th. The main goal of the mass is, for one to give Beyoncé more exposure because she never gets any, and secondly it’s to celebrate how her music highlights and empowers those often overlooked and marginalized – particularly black women.

In a recent interview that The Vine’s founding pastor Rev. Jude Harmon gave to the San Francisco Chronicle, he explained why he doesn’t mind if the holy trinity gets swapped out in exchange for a few verses of Me, Myself and I for one night only.

“In this year where there’s been so much conversation about the role of women and communities of color, we felt a need to lift up the voices that the church has traditionally suppressed,” he said. “The beauty of Beyoncé’s music is she explores those themes in an idiom that is accessible to everyone. We can use it as a conversation starter. That’s what it’s designed to be.”

Rev. Jude also serves as the director of innovative ministry and this truly is some innovative shit. Because what exactly from Beyoncé’s catalog can they bust out singing in the house of the Lord? Naughty Girl? Partition? Those song titles don’t necessarily do any justice inside of a place where they tell stories about Mary and Jesus. Hopefully they’ll just stick to Formation since I’m sure everyone in attendance knows the moves by heart and can disguise it as some kind of Praise Dance.

In addition to parishioners having the opportunity to do the Naomi Campbell walk for communion, they will also be treated to a speech from Rev. Yolanda Norton, assistant professor of the Old Testament at the San Francisco Theological Seminary. One of the courses she teaches is “Beyonce and the Bible” which, after this mass, will be a required class for Beyhvive membership. And speaking of the Beyhive, now that they have been alerted to where they can worship Beysus properly, flights to San Francisco will be overbooked with people sitting on each other’s laps to try and make it on time to be touched by the word. And I’m sure this lady will be there as well hoping and praying that if she genuflects into a scissor leg before reciting all the words to Single Ladies backwards, Beyoncé will appear before her and bless her with a free Ivy Park t-shirt. Keep believing, y’all.

Pic: Instagram

 

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