Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Cardi B’s mega elegant clear bra straps from her Coochella performance!

I didn’t think anything would top Beyoncé’s opulent tinsel boots, but Cardi B did it yesterday when she floated to the upper echelons of luxurious elegance by wearing the exquisite Lucite heels of titty supporters: clear bra straps!

Cardi is apparently 5 to 6 months pregnant with a baby, who’s probably a girl (that will be named Okurrrette if Cardi has her way, or Fuckqueerserina if her fiancé Offset gets his way), and I guess she wanted to make sure her swole chichis didn’t turn Coachella into Boobchella by flying out of her top. So she got the help of the jewel of the bra world. Everyone thinks that clear bra straps are supposed to be invisible to eyes and make your titties look like they’re magically being held up by the angels, but their main purpose is to let everyone know that you’ve got pure class running through your veins and care about always projecting sophistication to the world.

There’s a good reason for why Cardi looked like what would show up at your door if you ordered a Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes impersonator from Budget Look-alikes. Cardi’s look was an homage to TLC, and those clear bra straps were obviously an homage to the Queen of Clear Bra Straps Courtney Stodden. But Cardi’s delicate clear bra straps broke off into her performance, and who can blame them? You should try holding on as Cardi bends over and gives her unborn baby motion sickness by twerking.

You truly haven’t lived until you’ve seen a pregnant blossom in clear bra straps twerk and crotch fuck the air in front of strippers on a stripper jungle gym.

TMZ says that Cardi was paid a total of $140,000 for her Coachella performance ($70,000 for each weekend) , but she’s not making a profit, because she spent around $450,000 on production costs. That stage looks like it was put together for $50 using white paint and plywood from Home Depot. And that rickety stripper obstacle course looks like the bones of a collapsable gazebo that was left on the curb on trash day. So you might be wondering where that $450,000 went. The answer to that question is easy.

As soon as the designer of Cardi’s outfit attached those clear bra straps to the top, it became a $449,950 look. And it was worth every penny.

Pic: Getty

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