Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 12, 2018 / Posted by:

The punk turtle who breathes through its genitals, and is now endangered! SAVE THE ASS-BREATHING ANARCHIST TURTLE!

In the Mary river in Queensland, Australia lives a turtle who hates the man, has a natural green mohawk (“What’s Manic Panic?” – that punk turtle), and gave itself an anarchy sign wrist tattoo with a BIC pen and a safety pin during 7th grade homeroom. Pure punk! But what’s really punk about this turtle is that it doesn’t need to swim to the top of the water to breathe. It can breathe by sucking on its own cloaca. But sadly, the world may be without a slimy turtle who gets life from sucking its own ass. And no, Donald Trump doesn’t count.

The Guardian says that the Zoological Society of London has put the Mary river turtle on the list of reptile species who are in danger of going extinct. It’s #30 on the list, making it Australia’s second-most endangered fresh water turtle. Because humans just couldn’t let the Mary river turtle blissfully breathe through its own ass in peace in the wild, it became a popular pet in Australia in the 1960s and 70s. 15,000 were sent to pet shops every year for ten years.

That hot bitch Mary measures in at 40cm long and only lives in the Mary river in Queensland. Its green mohawk and badass hairy eye boogers are from algae growing on its body. Here’s another pic of my favorite Koopaling throwing an “excuse my beauty” (RIP Stephanie Yellowhair) look.

#punkturtle #maryriverturtle

A post shared by Chris Van Wyk (@chrisvanwykdotcom) on

The other very good thing about the Mary river turtle is that it takes a long time to mature sexually, and usually doesn’t start making babies until 25 years old. You know, they backpack through Europe for a few months to find themselves, ho around a lot, and complete their education before they settle down. Us humans could learn from them. But seriously, if I could toss my own salad and never have to come up for air, I wouldn’t sex on another for a while either.

Pic: Chris Van Wyk/Flickr/Zoological Society Of London

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