One of my favorite feuds of the modern era is the beef between teriyaki glazed Hawaiian meatball Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and spicy Sicilian meatball Vin Diesel. It started with a shady whisper of “candy-ass” on Instagram and escalated to a showdown in The Rock’s trailer on the set of The Fate of The Furious. In an interview with Rolling Stone, The Rock confirmed what many had suspected, that he and Vin didn’t actually shoot any scenes together for F8 due to their differing philosophies on candy (The Rock prefers gummy worms, Vin likes a jaw breakers) and asses (bubble and pancake respectively).
When asked why it looked like some digital tomfoolery was afoot in the one scene they shared on screen, The Rock explained:
“That is correct. We were not in any scenes together.
Vin and I had a few discussions, including an important face-to-face in my trailer. And what I came to realize is that we have a fundamental difference in philosophies on how we approach moviemaking and collaborating. It took me some time, but I’m grateful for that clarity. Whether we work together again or not.”
Oh to be a fly on the wall in that trailer! First of all, imagine the size of that thing? Not only would it have to be big enough to hold each and every one of Dwayne’s muscles (and they probably each have their own wardrobe), all his various jars of supplements, bottles of body grease, and a walk-in freezer with entire sides of beef hanging from hooks, but it’s also got to be big enough to contain an argument between two oiled-up, slobbering wildebeest-sized men sipping green tea in their search for spiritual and emotional clarity!
Seriously, I would like somebody to produce a movie based on the real-life events of this confrontation. It should be called The Trailer. It should be softcore porn. And also be a musical. Producers, I have more ideas like this, you know how to reach me.
The Rock says he’s not mad anymore, he’s moved on. He’s not sure if he’s gonna fuck with the next Fast movie (#9 in case you lost track), but he’s all in for his upcoming spinoff with Jason Statham that made Tyrese cry.
“Right now I’m concentrating on making the [Fast and Furious‘ Hobbs and Shaw] spinoff as good as it can be,” Johnson said. “I wish [Diesel] all the best and I harbor no ill will there, just because of the clarity we have. Actually, you can erase that last part about ‘no ill will.’ We’ll just keep it with the clarity.”
Oh my God! Should we be praying for Vin? When we eventually see President The Rock inaugurated into office, I hope Vin doesn’t get “disappeared” in a top secret CIA conspiracy to eradicate candy-asses from America.
Pic: Mark Seliger/Rolling Stone