Hot Slut Of The Day!

April 2, 2018 / Posted by:

The bootleg Versace ensemble that Pontius Pilate worked on last night’s Jesus Christ Superstar Live!

Sadly, “Thaaaanks, I bought it at Ver-saaaaaaaaayce,” is not a lyric that Pontius Pilate (played by hot British daddy Ben Daniels) screeched out last night after Jesus (played by John Legend) sarcastically sang, “Nice outfit, bitch, do you have a circus in Las Vegas to ring-lead after this crucifixion?

Maybe it’s because I was in a half-comatose state due to a Peeps and pink wine overdose, but I pretty much was into every single second of NBC’s Jesus Christ Superstar Live! last night. I was even into Jerusalem looking like the scene of a late-90s abandoned warehouse rave, and Jesus’ followers dressed like bike messengers, and Jesus not even bothering to change out of his pajamas, and Mary Magdalene always wandering around confused-like. She was probably confused by the fact that NBC did a live musical that wasn’t a total campy extravaganza mess. But for me, the breakout star was Pontius Pilate looking like a gay hitman who moonlights as Donatella Versace’s bodyguard. If my Catholic abuelita could see me thirsting over Pontius Pilate’s leather bulge, I’d get a triple chancleta slap to the eyes.

Nearly everyone in JCS Live! looked very “last day at Burning Man.” Just dusty, raggedy and drab. NO GLAMOUR! So my b-hole puckered so hard I nearly stuck to my couch cushion when Pontius Pilate sashayed onto the stage as if he was starring in Nazareth Crime Story: Versayce. Who knew that the International Male catalog existed during bible times, and who also knew that Pontius Pilate was its #1 customer? Here’s Ben giving you Sting impersonator hotness as he and the Matrix choir of evil get bitchy with Jesus.

Pilate’s gold blouse may have taken me up, up and away like Jesus resurrecting from the dead, but there were some honorable mentions in the glamour department. There was King Herod (played by Alice Cooper) whose tacky shit orange suit may have assaulted my eyes, but whose high school girl circa 1985 hair made up for it. Those bangs. King Herod is a mess, but the things he could do with a Coke can and AquaNet. (Although, Alice Cooper’s King Herod doesn’t have shit on the performance that Richard Simmons’ straight douche brother gave in the movie.)

And then there was Judas (played by Brandon Victor Dixon), who mostly delivered loads of 80s gay leather bar sexiness, but after hanging himself, came back looking like the Tin Man if the Tin Man joined The Village People. In other words: HOT!

Based on NBC’s version of Jesus’ crucifixion, I’m guessing that when Judas, King Herod and Pontius Pilate weren’t plotting the demise of Jesus, they were shopping at pimp stores in a Reno strip mall.

Click here to see a million clips from JCS Live!

Pic: NBC

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