Get Into “The Stolen Shrimp Rice Office Lunch” Saga

March 31, 2018 / Posted by:

Office situations can get weird. The right mix of people, an increasing amount of micro-aggressions, and someone taking something from the break room fridge that isn’t theirs can lead to heated drama. Witness writer/comedian Zak Toscani’s breathless Twitter coverage of a stolen lunch saga in his office that began on Thursday. Someone snatched Zak’s co-worker’s shrimp rice lunch and what ensued was a mystery even more intriguing than Who Bit Beyonce In Her Face?” (Spoiler alert: Word is that it was Sanaa Lathan.)

When Zak’s coworker realized someone snatched his shrimp rice, he got security to show him the tape. That must have been some delicious shrimp rice.

(Wait, does this mean that I’m being taped in the break room, quickly eating horrible food so my rock-climbing type co-workers won’t see? What about my rights?!?!)

The shrimp rice thief was cruel enough to toss the meal in the trash instead of eating it! So this wasn’t a hunger-induced theft. This was basically a hate crime.

In a shocking twist, the culprit sits directly beside our narrator. And the victim sits directly across from him. There must be some negative cubicle energy going on in that part of the office. Once identified, the victim decided not to file a formal complaint with human resources or the local police.

Once identified, the victim decided not to file a formal complaint with Human Resources or the local police. The alleged perpetrator, who pulled off the heist of the century really (did she come down out of the ceiling on a harness like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible?), left the office for the day after her heinous act and before the investigation began.

Let’s FF to Friday for the shattering conclusion. That’s when the alleged villainess revealed herself as a bad actress as well as an alleged shrimp rice thief.

It all ended with a verbal altercation…

…and a lack of any real resolution.

Will justice EVER be served? Speaking of crimes, our narrator might have made plagiarized this tale which is disappointing because it was kind of riveting.

The Sporkful podcast relayed the story of a stolen office lunch and the ensuing mystery in 2015.

I hope that it’s real, and I hope there’s a movie version. This lady sounds like a shady, evil witch and it could be an Oscar-worthy performance for some actress. We haven’t had a really entertaining movie villain since Dr. Lecter, and we could use one.

Pic: Wikipedia Commons

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