Donald Trumps Thinks “Roseanne”‘s Ratings Might End “Fake News” In Our Lifetime

March 30, 2018 / Posted by:

Donald Trump was in Ohio yesterday talking to the voters there about some of his proposals for infrastructure resuscitation. But infrastructure is very dry and boring. Maybe that’s why, according to Deadline, Trump changed gears towards the end of his speech to talk about the exciting things happening over at ABC with Roseanne instead. AGAIN.

Who cares about freeways, bridges, power grids, water supplies and whatnot. I mean, you hardly ever hear about them unless they collapse and kill people, millions go without electricity for months on end, or thousands are exposed to deadly chemicals in their drinking water. What’s really on everybody’s mind are Roseanne’s incredible ratings! And I think we all know who’s responsible for those!

POTUS made it about himself, saying her boffo numbers might convince “Fake News” networks to cover him more favorably, for ratings reasons. Hours earlier, master media massager Trump had called Roseanne Barr to secure his headline on ABC’s hit reboot.

“Look at Roseanne! I called her yesterday! Look at her ratings!” Trump told an enthusiastic crowd.

Trump is going to try to get himself a cameo on this show, I guarantee it. He can’t simply let that kind of ratings mojo pass him by! He’s probably already got the Secretary of Labor on the phone with Roseanne right now. Meanwhile, Trump’s been talking to his pal Mark Burnett about the excitement. Trump said:

“I got a call from Mark Burnett, he did The Apprentice, he’s a great guy. He said, ‘Donald, I called just to say hello, and to tell you: did you see Roseanne’s ratings?’ I said, ‘Mark, how big were they?’”

“They were unbelievable! Over 18 million people! And it was about us! They haven’t figured it out! The fake news hasn’t quite figured it out yet…But they will, and when they do, they’ll become much less fake.”

Aha, now we know why Mark’s been sitting on those Apprentice outtakes. Can’t let those get out and muddy the waters between “news” news, “fake” news and “less fake” news. This is actually a real mind bender and I’m super confused. I’m fairly certain Roseanne, which was just renewed for a second season, is a mostly fictional network situation comedy. I’m also pretty sure that means the only “news” here is that it had very good ratings based on two episodes. And the fact that this fictional character (played by a Trump supporter) is a Trump supporter is supposed to fundamentally change how the fourth estate operates AND bring sensible infrastructure reform to the state of Ohio? It’s beyond me but maybe Donny can explain this delusional conclusion when he makes his first cameo.


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