It’s a dark day for cartoonishly bad CGI sharks, movie title puns, and the bank accounts belonging to Tara Reid and Ian Ziering. Entertainment Weekly says that SyFy isn’t making anymore Sharknado movies after its sixth one. The tornado made of live sharks and somewhat-alive careers will stop spinning and dump everything back into the ocean where it first began. The makers of Sharknado 6 tweeted yesterday that it will be released in August.
— Sharknado (@SharknadoSYFY) March 29, 2018
Both Ian Ziering and Tara Reid will return, as will Vivica A. Fox and Cassie Scerbo. EW says the plot of Sharknado 6 involves time travel. The fifth one, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming, involved Fin’s son Gil getting sucked into a massive sharknado and the subsequent destruction of the world. Basically, they’re going to go back and prevent the sharknados from ever happening. It also ended with Ian Ziering’s character meeting up with Dolph Lundgren, which means you can probably expect to see He-Man and Steve Sanders fighting…I don’t know, tornadoes filled with Nazi sharks?
I just hope that one of the things they do while they’re back in time is make a pit stop in 2001 and warn Tara Reid – actual Tara Reid – that unless she wants to do something called Andy the Talking Hedgehog, she might want to start screening Paris Hilton’s calls. At the very least they should tell her to lay off the unfiltered Marlboros. And when she asks why, they can pull out a should play her a recording of her truck-driving-through-a-gravel-pit voice from present day. That’s a better wake-up call than any Charles Dickens ghost.