Guatemalan-Cuban panty cream inducer Oscar Isaac said on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert last year that during the filming of what would be Carrie Fisher’s last Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi, his face repeatedly tasted her slappin’ hand. It would be an honor to get bitch slapped by Carrie Fisher once, but Oscar Isaac is a lucky motherfucker who got bitch slapped by Carrie Fisher 27 times. It’s as if she was an abuelita and he was a shit-mouthed brat who cursed in front of her 27 times. Actually, that’s not factual. If I cursed in front of my abuelita 27 times, she wouldn’t need to hit me at all. She’d give me a glare so scary that I’d slap myself 27 times.
Oscar said that his slap scene with Carrie was the first scene he shot with her, and it was amazing to him. The Last Jedi was released on DVD (do people still use those?), and its bonus features includes a blooper reel. On that blooper reel is John Boyega busting moves with Kelly Marie Tran, and Oscar Isaac messing up his lines. But the star of the blooper reel is Carrie Fisher slapping Oscar Isaac into another dimension. Carrie slapped Oscar so many times that when it was all over, his cheek probably thought, “What’s this strange feeling called ‘not getting slapped down by Carrie Fisher’?”
That makes me sad. To think, one Hollywood executive may have looked at Carrie Fisher getting rough with Oscar Isaac and greenlighted a reverse gender May-December Fifty Shades of Grey starring her as Christina Grey and him as Anastasio Steele. Now that would be a truly sexy cinematic masterpiece.