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March 27, 2018 / Posted by:

Peel-Out Fruit Roll-Ups!

The golden era of Fruit Roll-Ups was the 80s and 90s, which honestly, was the golden era of EVERYTHING. But fruit leather historians believe that the first known fruit sheet deliciousness was made in Syria and sold by George Shalhoub at his sweets shop in NYC around the turn of the 20th century. The Shalhoub family is still in the fruit roll-up game. George’s great-grandson Joseph Shalhoub runs Joray Fruit Rolls, which makes fruit leathers made from real dried fruit. But the most famous bitch on the fruit roll-up scene is Betty Crocker’s Fruit Roll-Ups, which first landed on shelves in the early-80s. General Mills, which owns the Betty Crocker brand, took the all-natural fruit leather and turned it into something that made people ask, “Is that weird-looking shelf paper made out of shiny plastic, or is that a colored undone rubber condom?” General Mills took the naturalness out of Fruit Roll-Ups and injected it with pure fruity delicious plasticness.

General Mills has done a lot of gimmicks with their Fruit Roll-Ups over the years. Like, they have fake tongue tattoos on Fruit Roll-Ups that kids lick up to look like kindergarten prison life (aka time out) really hardened them. And in the early-90s, they made Fruit Roll-Ups with punch out shapes. Some “limited” Fruit Roll-Ups still have punch out shapes, but in the early-90s, they took cafeterias by STORM (not really). General Mills said “fuck it” to the whole “don’t play with your food” rule by making Fruit Roll-Ups you could play with before eating.

Oh, the 90s, those were the days when kids caught all sorts of diseases from eating Fruit Roll-Up peel outs that got covered with nasty germs while playing with that mess with their friends… And those diseases were then killed by the chemicals in Fruit Roll-Ups. What a perfect creation.

Pic: Reddit

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