Hide Yo Kids, For Real: Abby Lee Miller Is Out Of The Clink And In A Halfway House 

Ursula the Sea Witch’s more evil half-sister Abby Lee Miller checked into the Victorville Federal Correctional Institution in CA last July after the feds indicted her on 20 counts of fraud for trying to hide $755,000 from the government when she filed for Chapter 11. Abby ended up pleading guilty to bankruptcy fraud and was sentenced to 366 days in the chokey. Abby was supposed to be let out into the wild in February, but her release date was pushed back due to red tape, or whatever. But the day that the souls of children have been shaking over is upon us. Abby’s prison cell was opened today and she left Victorville Federal Correction Institution for a halfway house.

TMZ says that Abby is at a “residential reentry center” where she’ll live and be given employment counseling, job placement and financial management assistance. She’ll be released from the halfway house in two months on May 25.

Abby Lee left Lifetime’s Dance Moms during season 7 to get ready for prison. Cheryl Burke ended up becoming one of her replacements.

The ceiling of that halfway house is going to be punched with the cackles blasting out of Abby Lee Miller’s mouth when they give her employment counseling and job placement, because she’s already employed as a full-time child terrorizer and I’m sure Lifetime already has cameras on her as I type this. But Abby will silent her cackles and open her ears during financial management classes, because she’ll want to listen for any tips on how to hide your fortune from the government without getting caught.

Abby’s former prison consultant coach (yes, that’s a job) Jennifer Myers tells Entertainment Tonight that she’s able to leave the halfway house during the day, but will have to be back in her room before curfew. Jennifer has also let us know to keep crying tears for Abby because a halfway house might be worse than prison.

“Anybody would be happy to get out, but once you get there, some of the women have complained and say it is worse than prison. It is not a fun place to be, but it is one step closer to getting home.

The halfway house is a facility that is locked down and the doors lock and there are video cameras monitoring everyone. It is a cared-for facility, not like a regular house.”

That does sound like hell… for anyone not named Abby Lee Miller. Why do I have a feeling that everyone locked up in that halfway house with Abby will be sent back to prison after breaking the law? And during the paddywagon ride back to prison, they’ll be heard saying, “Thank GOD, I couldn’t sleep one second because that mess of a monster was keeping me up by clawing at the walls while moaning about how she needs a young soul to feed on.”

Pic: Wenn.com