Tiffany Haddish either gives 0.0000 fucks about Beyonce threatening her with an NDA in song, or in that selfie above, Beyonce is whispering into her ear, “Now, I’m going to need you to tell everyone about that cracked out home wrecking trollop trying to get with my man, and I’m going to act like I’m mad about you spilling it, but keep on, keep on…” Because Tiffany has more to say about the messy night she met Beyonce.
Tiffany already said that Beyonce kept her from whooping the ass of a trick who was trying to become Jay-Z’s latest side piece, and now she’s telling GQ that the trick was on drugs and took a bite out of Bey. Whoever that cracked out actress is, she better start begging for the authorities to let her into the BPP (Beyhive Protection Program), because if there’s one thing that the Beyhive has (besides a crazed undying love for Beyonce), it’s the time needed to track down the evil doer who stabbed their Jesus in the face with her teeth.
While talking to GQ’s Caity Weaver, Tiffany burped up more details about the night that Beyonce wishes my favorite Mortal Kombat character (Solange) was there to issue a beat down on a bitch. At an after-party for Jay-Z’s show in L.A. in December, Tiffany says there was an actress who was “doing the mostest” and that included turning herself into Cape Fear (1991) Robert De Niro by trying to bite Beyonce’s cheek off.
“There was this actress there,” continues Haddish, keeping her voice low, “that’s just, like, doing the mostest.” One of the most things she did? “She bit Beyoncé in the face.”
When someone guessed Goopy Paltrow, Chrissy said that it’s not her.
I’m going to go with the way-too-obvious-to-be-true guess (or is it?) and say Lindsay Lohan. But LiLo wasn’t trying to harm Beyonce. She was just trying to scrape a little bit of Beyonce’s DNA onto her teeth, because she knew the Beyhive would sell their families to buy it on eBay. Those Lawyer.com checks don’t pay all the bills.
Tiffany’s nugget about the Bey-biter wasn’t the only bit of WTF she delivered while talking to Caity Weaver. She also said that turpentine is the cure-all nectar of the medical gods. It must be true because she learned about it on YouTube…
“A teaspoon of turpentine will not kill you,” says Haddish with the breezy confidence of an unlicensed doctor. “The government doesn’t want you to know that if you have a cold, just take some turpentine with some sugar or castor oil or honey and it’ll go away the next day.”