Hot Slut Of The Day!
JOSTA COLA!
Since the beginning of Dlisted, there’s been over 4,000 Hot Slut of the Days. So sometimes I think I’ve done them all, but I truly haven’t since Josta Cola hasn’t been HSOTD until now. There are still many people who wake up in the middle of the night screaming, “I can wait for the second coming of Jesus, but I need the second coming of Josta right now!”
Wikipedia says that Josta was the first ever energy drink made by a major U.S. beverage company. The major U.S. beverage company was PepsiCo. Josta made its debut in 1995, and was a fruity drink with just a touch of spice. So basically, it tasted like Richard Simmons’ jizz with a splash of Charo’s saliva. Its signature ingredient was guaraná. Josta, which I believe means, “Even we don’t fucking know what it means,” in PepsiCola, didn’t bring the tingles to millions of tastebuds. PepsiCo buried it in the Failed Cola Flavor cemetery in 1999.
One of Josta’s taglines was “Coulda Woulda Shoulda,” and in one commercial, two oldies think back to the time after the war when three Swedish nurses invited them to Paris and they didn’t go. It’s the “Coulda Woulda Shoulda” that has rocked their minds for decades. Those oldies missed out, because judging by the last scene of the commercial, the Swedish nurses were time travelers and were going to take them into the future to a 90s rave where everyone got fucked up on Josta.
Like with many things that were gone before their time, there’s a group begging for Pepsi to bring back Josta, and that group has been led by a major Jostahead named Jason Latona for almost ten years. In 2016, The Daily Dot did a long story about Jason’s quest to bring Josta back from the dead. Jason put together petitions and had a website devoted to reviving Josta. PepsiCo contacted him once, but Josta still hasn’t made a comeback. Jason told The Daily Dot back then that he’s still got two unopened bottles of his beloved nectar, and an empty bottle that he sniffs from. Um, based on this quote, the FDA may want to officially declare Josta as a Schedule I narcotic.
“I actually have 2 full bottles of it, but they’re too aged and precious to open. I also have an empty bottle with a bit of dried Josta settled on the bottom. It still smells good: It’s fruity, almost an aspect of bubbleguminess.”
Josta will probably never be back, but that’s okay. It’s already won. Because nobody will ever love anything as much as Jason Latona loves Josta. Even Kanye’s like, “Damn, even I don’t love myself that much.”
Pic: PepsiCo