Rod Stewart and Cyndi Lauper were on Watch What Happens Live yesterday to talk about their summer tour. Rod, who is three years older than Elton John, was asked how he felt about Elton’s announcement that he was officially retiring from touring. Rod says he sent Elton a sarcastic email asking: “What, again dear?“, which Elton reportedly didn’t respond to. Rod says he’s never talked about retiring, but that if he did, he certainly wouldn’t announce it like a certain bespectacled singer whose retirement motivations were solely for money-making purposes.
“If I do retire, I won’t make an announcement, I’ll just fade away. I don’t think this big deal – ‘Oh, I’m going to retire’ – it stinks of selling tickets…It’s dishonest, it’s not rock n’ roll.”
Elton might not have done it for the money, but he definitely isn’t walking away with nothing. I have a massive Elton John fan in my life, and I tried to get tickets to his Farewell Yellow Brick Road tour. Not only did it sell out in 0.000005 seconds, but resale tickets were starting at $1500. I don’t have that kind of money, so the closest we’ll be getting to Elton is me sticking a raisin between my front teeth to lip sync to Rocket Man.
Rod can’t compare himself to Elton. Elton wants to retire from touring, and Rod can’t until he’s completed his life’s only mission: to tour the world asking every horny, screaming middle-aged woman if they think he’s sexy. Eventually there won’t be a single woman left. Then, and only then, can he fade away.
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