Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 21, 2018 / Posted by:

80s Astronaut Barbie!

It’s been way too long since I’ve paid proper homage to a Barbie from the golden era of Barbie (the 80s). Although, even if I did a Hot Slut of the Day tribute to an 80s Barbie yesterday, it still would’ve been way too long since I’ve done a proper homage. I’ve bowed down to the greatest 80s Barbie of them all, Peaches ‘n Cream Barbie, along with Loving You Barbie, Jewel Secrets Ken, and Day-To-Night Barbie. And today, I bow down to the glamour queen of the universe 80s Astronaut Barbie!

The first Astronaut Barbie landed on shelves in the 1960s. She had Doris Day hair made out of corn husks, and wore practical planet-walking boots and a boring suit. The Astronaut Barbie of today looks more like Raver Barbie in her Baby Spice-like white platform sneakers, satin JNCO jumpsuit and white oven mitt gloves. But I am totally not being biased when I say that 80s Astronaut Barbie was light years ahead of those two in the department of glamour and logic!

80s Astronaut Barbie worked a pair of highly sensible kitten-heeled hot pink boots, and a metallic jumpsuit with puffy sleeves that could easily and safely carry her back down to earth if something went wrong. See, bitch was logical like that. Not only that, but what if there’s a club in space and the aliens invited her out? 80s Astronaut Barbie was ready for that too. Underneath her Alexis Carrington-approved space suit was a little cha-cha skirt and some glitter tights. Whether you’re going to the office, or the store, or space, you should ask yourself, “Can I be ready for the club in 60 seconds or less?” If the answer is “no,” your outfit is wrong and you need to change. Barbie’s outfit is never wrong.

One of Trump’s genius ideas is to put together a totally awesome military “space force” because he thinks Space Invaders is real. But the government doesn’t need to do that. They just need to send 80s Astronaut Barbie to space to fight for us. She can easily paralyze the aliens and other enemies with her glamour by quickly changing into her club-ready cha-cha skirt.

Pic: Mattel

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