Just like Idris Elba before him, Benedict Cumberbatch has gotten together with the fundraising site Omaze to get some money for charity. By donating money to charity, the Cumberbitches will be entered into a drawing where they could win a prize package including airfare to L.A., a fancy hotel stay, tickets to the premiere of Avengers: Infinity War and a tea date with The Alien Lizard King. B. Cums’ people better be making a mental note to cover the floor of the room of his tea date with industrial-strength plastic tarps, because I have a feeling the Cumberbitch who wins is going to squirt out an ocean of crotch curds and whey.
To promote the charity contest, B. Cums did a video where he showed us how to make a perfect cup of hot tea. Now, the way I make a perfect cup of hot tea is to put a couple of spoonfuls of Nestea iced tea powder into a mug full of water and nuke that bitch. But to B. Cums, the perfect way to make a hot cup of tea is to make the tea bag jizz out its natural flavors by talking sexy to it. Thankfully B. Cums stops himself before he pulls out his balls and teabags that teabag.
That video was a mistake, because the Cumberbitch who wins is going to expect him to get into foreplay with his cup of tea in front of her. I can already hear her say, “With one Alien Lizard King hemipenis in it,” when he asks her how she takes her tea.