Burt Reynolds is 82 years old. Some people in their 80s are still sharper than the spines on a cat’s dick and have got the energy of youngins a third of their age (see: Rita Moreno and Jane Fonda). But other people in their 80s, have the energy of a corpse that’s been reanimated using half-depleted AA batteries found in your grandma’s freezer, and say weird shit. Burt Reynolds falls into the second category.
Burt was on Today this morning, and when he wasn’t becoming Subway Jared’s new favorite actor, he was hypnotized by Hoda Kotb’s anti-Brielle Bermann lips.
Hoda talked to Burt on Today because he’s got a new movie, The Last Movie Star, coming out this month. Hoda asked Burt who should play him in a movie about his life (his answer: George Clooney), and then she asked him who the love of his life is. Since I am a child of the 80s, I always thought that Burt’s most precious love was Loni Anderson since they were the golden couple of glamour of that time (and then I learned that he was allegedly abusive during this marriage to The Countess). But as he’s said before, Burt told Hoda that the one who will always own major real estate in his heart is Sally Field. Burt said he fell in love with her when she was 7. Burt really isn’t doing anything good for the stereotype that all pedos have mustaches.
Hoda: Who would you consider the love of your life?
Burt: You’re naughty. You really are. I am dead in the water no matter what I say. Well, she was 7 when I fell in love with her. She stayed 7 for about 11 years. I would say Sally.
Hoda: Sally Field?
Burt: No, Sally Woofergosh. Yes, Sally Field.
Hoda: I wasn’t sure!
Burt was probably just telling jokes, because he met Sally Field on the set of 1977’s Smokey and the Bandit. Sally was around 31 then, and Burt was around 41. They were together for 4 years. Maybe what Burt meant was that Sally was like a 7 year old girl to him, and if that’s the case, I’m still going to need to excuse myself to boil six gallons of bleach to bathe in.
And because Burt looks at everything through rose-colored glasses, he ended his interview with Hoda by complimenting her: “I am so proud of you for not having your lips larger.”
Some people wondered if Burt is sick, or something, but his rep told People that he’s perfectly healthy.
Only Burt knows what he meant by that lips comment, but I’m still going to use that line in every conversation I have with a person, because it’s gold. Although, it’s kind of hard to say that to someone when you live in Southern California.
Burt’s awkward interview is below:
— TODAY (@TODAYshow) March 15, 2018