A Trump (Not The One You Think) Is Reportedly Headed For Divorce

March 14, 2018 / Posted by:

The walls of the White House should brace themselves for the shrieking sound of a Slovenian-accented voice screaming, “Take me with you!!!!!!” Because if this story is true, Vanessa Trump’s ankles will be grasped by the hands of Melania Trump as Melania begs Vanessa to take her with her as Donald Trump Jr.’s wife walks away from the Trump family FOREVER. Page Six says that Don Jr. and Vanessa’s 12 year marriage is about as broken and busted as Jabba the Trump’s cabinet.

A source claims that Vanessa isn’t happy, because she’d like to live her opulent housewife life in private and doesn’t like the attention that being the daughter-in-law of Jabba the Trump brings (like opening up possible death powder sent to her house). Vanessa is also upset about Don Jr. being gone all the time and think he’s changed. Not having to talk or look at Don Jr. seems like a blessing and a gift to me, but Vanessa is weird, because apparently it bothers her.

The source says that Don Jr. doesn’t have much time for Vanessa and their five children, because he’s busy running the Trump company, tweeting, getting interviewed by chocolate bunnies who have more brains than him (and they’re hollow inside!), tweeting, and trophy hunting in Africa.

“The problems have been there for a long time, the couple had hoped to stay together during the president’s time in office, but it is getting harder to resolve their issues. He’s never there.

Don Jr. has been busy traveling, which has contributed to their problems. Vanessa is a devoted mother, but she is increasingly lonely and alone in the house with the children.”

A friend of Don Jr. and Vanessa claim that divorce papers will be filed very soon. But a different source claims that they’re trying to work it out.

“While they are not legally separated, I cannot deny there are issues, there are a lot of intricate things that go on in a marriage. Don and Vanessa are focused on their family, they are trying to do this quietly and privately, and when they have something to say on the record, they will do so. This has nothing to do with politics, this is a personal matter between two people.”

Donald Trump Jr. is 40 years old and Vanessa Trump (who is also 40) is his first wife. Donald Trump waited until his mid-40s before he dropped his starter wife for a younger model. So a genuine tear is probably streaming down Trump’s circus peanut carcass of a face as he fills with pride over his eldest son following the family tradition so early.

And Vanessa Trump should follow Ivanka Trump’s advice and not get mad, get everything (except for the dead cheetah rug, moose antler table, lion head lampshade, endangered rhino skin bedspread, etc.. etc…).

Pic: Wenn.com

 

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