Every once in a while, Hollywood heavyweights have to lay their dicks on the table to show us all how broke AF we all are. When Brangelina was a thing, it was when they bought that entire vineyard in France (even though it appears Brad Pitt couldn’t pay to keep the lights on). Barbra Streisand sent us all a trip to peasanthood when she said she missed her old dog so much, she got it cloned. Twice.
Not to be outdone, Oprah was on The Late Late Show last night, and she said she’s just a normal girl who thinks a bath is an indulgence. Oh, not just any bath, you peon. Oprah has a bathtub that was hand-carved out of marble and onyx to fit to the shape of her body.
Oprah was there with Reese Witherspoon and Mindy Kaling to promote A Wrinkle In Time. James Corden had first asked her if it was a pain in the ass buying gifts for Stedman Graham, and she said only the time she gave him a wise-ass, er, actual three wise men gift of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. He liked that about as much as anyone would (“Uh, O, why couldn’t you just get me the new James Patterson novel?”), so now he only gets cornbread, which seems like a winning strategy.
James then asked if buying gifts for Oprah was a pain in the ass, and she kind of silenced the other two before they had a chance to say how hard it was finding 4 million thread count sheets for her. She’s just a simple gal who likes nice bath products to go in her Greek goddess of a bathtub. It apparently fits a couple of people, so I assume that’s where she gathers Stedman and Gayle King each week to dole out their weekly allowances. You can watch the whole thing here:
I don’t even care that Oprah has some fancy-ass bathtub. In the grand scheme of crazy shit she could buy with her billions, this is pretty low on the totem pole. Where I AM curious is how did this thing get made? Was it sculpted over the course of the last few seasons of her talk show? I can see morning production meetings going something like this: “We all drew straws, and Lynn? You have Celine Dion door greeting duties at 7. Claire? You get to take down all the photos of Jennifer Hudson in the hallway so Beyoncé doesn’t see those when she’s in next week. And Mary-Ann? Hahaha, oh, sweet sweet Mary Ann…you have bathtub duty today. She now says she would like a nice Maya Angelou poem etched where her feet will go, so get cracking, boo boo!”