Brad Pitt Is Putting His Peen On Dry Dock For A Year

March 12, 2018 / Posted by:

Any of you gold diggers hoping for a chance to ride your way to millions about the Pitt Peen Express are going to have to be patient. Because the always truthful The Sun says that Brad Pitt is giving up sex for a year to Eat, Pray, Love or some shit and discover who he really is.

According to The Sun, Brad has made a promise to stop playing bedroom leapfrog for a solid year. What to do with all that time normally reserved for fucking the best-looking Meet Joe Black fans? It’s said he’s focusing on meditating, sculpting, and working out…yeah, ‘cuz getting a fuck-able body is the best time to stop boning! A snitch most certainly in Brad’s camp gave up some deets:

“Brad is really sorting himself out. He’s getting trim, eating healthily and has cut out booze. He has been in relationships for pretty much all of his entire adult life. Now that he’s single, he’s doing things he’s previously been unable to do.”

This comes as it is believed Brad and Angelina Jolie are putting the finishing touches on their divorce. While most Hollywood dudes close a divorce by at least screwing three production assistants, Brad isn’t following that course. He refused to so much as pose in a photo with another woman beyond his manager during Oscars week, which probably gave Mike Pence the feels down below and say, “Maybe hedonist Hollywood ain’t all that bad!


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