Open Post: Hosted By Canadian Douche Jesus
The best response for that picture is Justin Bieber’s leg tattoo of Jesus rolling his eyes like, “Bitch, have a seat.”
A quick second after E! News said that he and his on-and-off-and-on-and-off-and-on again piece, Selena Gomez, are on a break, the Biebs posted two pictures on Instagram of him airing out his furry pits on a beach. (There’s no way that Justin Bieber can grown hair there yet, so I’m guessing he’s wearing two pit merkins.) Some may think that this is the Biebs’ way of letting us all know that he’s celebrating his freedom from Selena and her swaggy-hating mom, but although he thinks he’s that deep, he’s not that deep.
My guess is that the Biebs’ cult leader daddy, Pastor Muscles McUncleTerryGlasses, has slurped on his ass so much that he really believes he’s the second coming of Jesus. Or maybe there’s a good reason for why the Biebs’ looks like a low-tide hobo who sleeps on a bed of seaweed under a pier at the beach. Maybe he is a low-tide hobo who sleeps on a bed of seaweed under a pier at the beach, because Pastor Muscles McUncleTerryGlasses finally milked his last cent out of him.
If the Biebs is homeless and broke, he shouldn’t worry about it for too long. Many people will give him money and mostly because they’ll want him to buy some Baby Wipes so he can wipe what looks like shit stains off of his body. And I say that as someone who regularly types, “Tattooed muscle stud fucking a stud while eating a banana,” into the PornHub search bar.
Pic: Instagram