Tiffany Haddish had the most fun with at the Oscars on Sunday night. She presented an award in her favorite dress and a pair of slippers, she ambushed Meryl Streep, and apparently she also promised to get with Brad Pitt if they’re both still single in a year. That’s probably not even Tiffany’s last random Oscar night story. I feel like we’re about to learn that Tiffany was the one who apprehended her new best friend Frances McDormand’s Oscar thief by beating him over the head with one of her slippers.
Tiffany sat down with Kelly Ripa backstage during the Oscars for a game of Marry, Date, Ditch (so basically, the Diet Coke version of Fuck, Marry, Kill). Kelly reached into her mystery bag and pulled out the following names: Brad Pitt, Javier Bardem, and George Clooney. But before she even got to the other two, Tiffany came through with a story about how she’s already made plans to “date” Brad.
“Oh I just met him an the elevator, he said in one year if he’s single and I’m single we gonna do it, so you know what that means. But he do got seven kids, I don’t know if I could deal with a man that’s got that many kids.”
Well, technically he’s only got six kids, but I’m sure it feels like seven. Oh, and regarding the other two, Tiffany would marry George Clooney and ditch Javier, because: “I don’t know who Javier is!”
I know Brad Pitt is on the prowl, and I have to wonder what drew him to Tiffany. My guess is he’s a secret food freak who is extremely curious about how to use his dick as a citrus juicer, or he’s got a thrift kink and got turned on by Tiffany’s loyalty to digital coupons. Then again, that might just be an added bonus to dating Tiffany. He does have half a dozen kids after all, the man needs to save where he can.