For the first time in what felt like the Oscars 90-year history, the ceremony didn’t drag on over four hours. Last night they managed to keep it at 3 hours and 50 minutes (although, the ratings may have hit an all-time low). It may have come under four hours, because at the top of the show, Jimmy Kimmel announced that whatever winner gave the shortest acceptance speech would go home a Jet Ski!
Jimmy presented it convention center boat show-style with Helen Mirren showing it off. Helen should have gone home with her own special prize for suffering through all those inevitable “Hey mama, do you come with the Jet Ski?” jokes. Jimmy later doubled-down by adding in a trip to Lake Havasu, Arizona.
Actors and directors have a tendency to like attention and validation, and none of the winners last night had the self-control needed not to ramble on during their acceptance speech (Gary Oldman admitted as much). So it’s not really a surprise that the winner of the shortest acceptance speech went to a non-actor. Phantom Thread costume designer Mark Bridges had the shortest speech of the night, clocking in at 36 seconds.
Entertainment Weekly says there were official rules posted on monitors inside the Dolby Theater for the Kawasaki Jet Ski Ultra 310LX, valued at approximately $18,000. Mark rode out at the end of the ceremony on his lime green Jet Ski with Helen Mirren on the back. I doubt Mark even got the Jet Ski home. Oscar presenter and GTE (good times enthusiast) Matthew McConaughey was probably looking at that Jet Ski with saucer eyes, and cornered Mark backstage with an offer to take it off his hands.