Or did they….?
I wouldn’t be surprised if the new PricewaterhouseCoopers accountants were too busy doing tequila shots out of Helen Mirren’s belly button backstage that they accidentally put the wrong card in the wrong envelope and Get Out was the true winner!
If your tip gets moist every time you walk by the fish section at the grocery store, then first of all, you’re SUCIO, and second of all, your kink has gone mainstream. Because tonight at the Oscars, Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty tried the whole “presenting Best Picture” thing again, and this time there were no fuck ups. The Shape of Water won, and now we know that all of those old grizzled-up crusty Academy members get off on human/fish porn. Sick bitches, they should get banned for life from buying gold fish!
Here’s Faye and Warren getting it right, and Guillermo del Toro’s acceptance speech where he let all the fish fuckers of the world know that it’s okay to be a fish fucker (he didn’t say that):
I saw The Shape of Water, and sure, it was whatever, but it wasn’t as riveting as the looks and arm-grabs that Guillermo del Toro’s Oscar date gave him throughout the show tonight.
That lady in the gold behind them: that is me.
The full list of winners is below, and altogether now: THE BOSS BABY WAS ROBBED!
Best Picture: The Shape of Water
Best Director: Guillermo del Toro, The Shape of Water
Best Actor: Gary Oldman, Darkest Hour
Best Actress: Frances McDormand, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Best Supporting Actor: Sam Rockwell, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
Best Supporting Actress: Allison Janney, I, Tonya
Best Original Screenplay: Jordan Peele, Get Out
Best Adapted Screenplay: James Ivory, Call Me by Your Name
Best Foreign Language Film: A Fantastic Woman
Best Animated Feature: Coco
Best Visual Effects: Blade Runner 2049
Best Cinematography: Roger A. Deakins, Blade Runner 2049
Best Original Score: Alexandre Desplat, The Shape of Water
Best Original Song: “Remember Me,” Coco, Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez
Best Makeup and Hairstyling: Darkest Hour
Best Costume Design: Phantom Thread
Best Production Design: The Shape of Water
Best Film Editing: Dunkirk
Best Documentary Feature: Icarus
Best Sound Editing: Dunkirk
Sound Mixing: Dunkirk
Best Documentary Short Subject: Heaven Is a Traffic Jam on the 405
Best Live Action Short Film: The Silent Child
Best Animated Short Film: Dear Basketball
Pics: ABC, @michcoll