Finally, Hollywood has given us what we’ve all been waiting for: a movie about rich white ladies reading Fifty Shades of Grey. If only Smell-O-Vision existed for real, movie theaters would be filled with the scent of fancy perfume and Metamucil-infused panty pudding.
The final cinematic dingle in the Fifty Shits series came out last month, but the diarrhea-dripping words of E.L. James are continuing to terrorize us thanks to a movie that surprisingly enough, didn’t come from the mind of Nancy Meyers. Bill Holderman directed and co-wrote Book Club, which is about rich white ladies who live in Ethan Allen showrooms, exclusively wear St. John and whose lives get “spiced up” from reading Fifty Shades of Grey. It stars Jane Fonda, a ginger Raquel Welch wig (see: Jane Fonda’s head), Diane Keaton, Candice Bergen and Mary Steenburgen as the rich white ladies. Also in it are fine bottle of Cuban wine Andy Garcia, Craig T. Nelson, Anastasia Steele’s dad Don Johnson, Richard Dreyfuss, Ed Begley Jr., Wallace Shawn and Alicia Silverstone.
Give Murphy Brown the Oscar now, because she deserves it for looking like she’s actually interested in reading that mess.
For those of you who have the sads over Sex and the City 3 not happening, then I just need to tell you that you’re crazy and a masochist. I also need to tell you that Book Club is the Sex and the City 3 movie you never knew existed. Diane Keaton IS Carrie Bradshaw, Candice Bergen IS Miranda Hobbes, Mary Steenburgen IS Charlotte York, and Jane Fonda IS Samantha Jones.
And not only will Candice win the Oscar for this, but so will the special effects artists for CGI’ing Jane Fonda’s face circa the 197os onto current day Jane Fonda.