Keith Richards Picked Up The Shady Branch From Quincy Jones

March 1, 2018 / Posted by:

Thank the Goddess above for all these aging music people. Old people in general have zero fucks to give and aren’t afraid to let the youngins have it. Old musicians who are pickled with a combination of Ecstasy residue and 70s vodka have a special brand of zero fuckery, and lately it’s been playing out in the press. While Quincy Jones read everyone to filth (including Taylor Swift), he eventually walked it back. Luckily for us, Keith Richards is here to pick up where Quincy left off (including on Taylor Swift)!

Keith did a long profile with the Wall Street Journal, but plan ahead for your next bathroom break to bring this with you and read far more important scripture than what we’re used to on Sundays. You can catch snippets of the interview in The Guardian, and one part pertains to how he thinks bandmate Mick Jagger is way too old to be fathering a baby (he and girlfriend Melanie Hamrick welcomed daughter Deveraux Octavian Basil in 2016):

“Mick’s a randy old bastard. It’s time for the snip – you can’t be a father at that age. Those poor kids!”

Keith is probably upset he never thought to name one of his daughters with Patti Hansen something like Julia Sugarbaker Richards!

Keith and Mick have legendary beef. Keith used his 2010 memoir to label Mick as needy and said the other members of the Rolling Stones referred to him as “Her Majesty.” The latest verbal hissing couldn’t come at a better time, as the Stones are supposed to go on a new tour through Europe beginning in May. Keith likely recognized this might make things on stage a little awkward (and not just because it’s a group of 70-year-old men in tight leather pants), so he tweeted an apology:

Considering how I can’t ever tell what any of the Rolling Stones are even trying to say, I wouldn’t have admitted to any wrongdoing, Papa Keith. Just say the silly reporter is a moron who couldn’t transcribe your usual word jumbling!

What’s even better is how he apologized to Mick, but he did not take back well wishes he gave to a certain squad leader. While Keith seems to think Lady Gaga and Ed Sheeran are the shit, he is not as convinced about Taylor Swift.

“Good luck, girl—wish her well while it lasts.”

Hope you enjoy cryptic album art, Keith, because I have a feeling someone is stewing in the studio at Candy Land scribbling out her next album.

The WSJ isn’t the only place Keith went to read a few basics to filth. He also sat down the The Telegraph (via NME), where he said he’s partaking in “novel” sobriety. The only vices Keith touches these days are cigarettes and Starbucks because drugs are as boring:

“Drugs are not interesting these days. They are very institutionalised and bland. And, anyway, I’ve done ’em all. I’m not saying I’m definitely off all of this stuff. In six months’ time, I might be on it again. But at the moment, for a couple of months, I haven’t touched it.”

Well, maybe I should take that back. Once Taylor’s legion starts hissing their venom on Twitter at Keith, that might just be exactly what sends him back to toking up – bland kush be damned!

Pic: WSJ/Inez&Vinoodh

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