Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 27, 2018 / Posted by:

The boxed wine boyfriend!

Michael James Schneider is a 44-year-old artist/photographer from Portland, OR, and he’s been without a man for a couple of years or so. Michael’s been lonely, but the sweet nectar of the heavens has been warming up his heart, so he got the idea to create his perfect dream man out of boxes of boxed wine. Michael created his new man Franz (short for Franzia, duh) out of metal framework for a sculpture and boxes from the finest of wines found in the boxed wine section at Target. Michael tells Metro UK that him having the mind of an artiste is how Franz came to be:

“I usually mark art from leaning into and embracing the most humiliating parts of my life. When I’m clutzy, I take photos of me faceplanting. ‘When I’m single and lonely and drinking… well why not create a companion out of that loneliness?”

 

Michael and Franz also did a photo shoot for social media of them making sketti, going grocery shopping, cuddling in a garden and lying together with his cat, who is definitely thinking, “Humans are so fucking weird, I’m outta here.

If Weird Science was real and you could create your perfect dream piece from a computer, there’s a good chance that my computer-programmed dream man would be made of boxed wine and be able to shit Double-Doubles from In-N-Out and have a mop made of curly fries on his head. So I’m into Franz, but there’s one very important thing he’s missing. WHERE IS THE DICK?! Michael should’ve used a Peen-ot Noir box as Franz’s crotch and kept the spigot. Even the most strictest of spitters would swallow every time.

Pic: Instagram

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