Here we go, grab your plastic gloves and safety scalpel, tie your hair back and throw some Vicks under your nose. It’s time to continue the ongoing autopsy to determine what’s responsible for the end of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux’s maybe marriage. We’ve heard that it was because Jen loved L.A. and the Hollywood scene while Justin was all about NYC and the artsy crowd. UsWeekly and People now have more info.
Starting with People, who have dedicated this week’s cover to JEN’S HEARTBREAK. A source says sad, miserable Jen is sad and miserable.
Jennifer Aniston is “sad and disappointed” that her marriage to Justin Theroux didn’t work out, a source close to the actress tells People. “She didn’t expect to be single again.”
But it doesn’t mean she’s sworn off love forever. No, no, Jen will love again! A source explains:
“[Jennifer] isn’t a fan of dating, and she never was. She always found dating awkward and unpleasant. She hates all the media attention that she knows she will get now. But she is a big believer in falling in love and spending her life with a partner that loves sharing hers.”
Another source says that the long distance became “exhausting and frustrating.” The source adds that they tried so hard to make it work, even going to therapy together. I wonder where they went to therapy. L.A. or New York? Maybe they met somewhere in Nebraska.
The source says that Jen “would be the first one to say that she is a lucky girl” with a great life.
Now for another tale of Jennifer and Justin breakup woe. UsWeekly went 900% more dramatic by saying her world has been SHATTERED.
They seem to think that one of the reasons for their spit was because Justin was getting jealous of Brad Pitt’s ghost. A source tells UsWeekly that two years ago, Justin stumbled upon a bunch of Post-it notes Brad wrote to Jen when they were still together.
“He stumbled upon old Post-it notes Brad had written. Sweet little Post-its like, ‘You looked nice tonight’ or ‘Miss you already.’ Jen assured him they weren’t a big deal, but Justin wasn’t thrilled. Justin had moments of insecurity like that.”
Post-its? How very Romy & Michele of him. UsWeekly’s source claims that Jen married Justin so people would stop feeling sorry for her.
“Jen has struggled with the perception that she is this pathetic woman after the divorce from Brad. It played a role in her wanting to marry Justin.”
The soap opera drama of the Post-its, followed by a “sad, pathetic Jen” angle. The only thing missing was a not-subtle suggestion about why Jen was holding on to those notes. If there’s any way to spice up this situation, it’s definitely with a magazine cover screaming about JEN’S HOARDING NIGHTMARE.