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February 21, 2018 / Posted by:

Earth Born Shampoo!

Long before everyone was straining their eyeballs from reading the ingredients list on a shampoo bottle while looking for parabens, sulfates, phenoxyethanols, polyshiticantpronounce and other crap that’ll give you hair cancer, or whatever, there was Earth Born shampoo! Washing your hair with Earth Born shampoo was like washing your hair with Mother Nature’s piss. It was THAT natural. Earth Born was a pH-balanced shampoo that was non-alkaline and was supposed to leave your mane as naturally fresh as Adam and Eve’s pube bushes.

Earth Born was born sometime in the 1970s, and I know of it, because one of my aunties kept an old, crusted-over janky bottle of it in one of her bathrooms. I don’t think anybody used it and I’m sure she heard the line, “Um, tia, do you have some Palmolive I can wash my hair with instead,” quite often whenever anybody stayed over.

This Earth Born commercial from 1977 used dolls with gorgeous pH strip hair to prove that the other shampoos will leave caca from a tar monster on your hair, while Earth Born leaves it clean and gunk-free. If using Earth Born gives you a glorious feathered helmet like the one on the spokesmodel’s head, then let me call up my auntie and get her to put my name on her old bottle of Earth Born.

And a HSOTD honorable mention goes to the doll who was dipped in Earth Born:

Not only is she keeping it glamorous (even though her curly mop got jacked up), but she’s throwing a perfect “bless that nasty-haired alkaline-infected wreck” side-eye at her fellow model.

Pic: Pinterest

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