Well, when you’re a twink who wants to quickly make the transition to daddy, there’s one easy way to do it: become an actual daddy like Tom Daley is.
Valentine’s Day is usually a day when disgusting ?~~ so in love ~~? couples cause the heaves to crawl up your throat by announcing their engagement in a love-dovey gross picture on Facebook or Instagram. It’s usually not a day when you announce that you’re going to ruin your marriage and sex life by bringing a slobbery ball of coos into your house. But Tom Daley and his husband of 9 months Dustin Lance Black used today, VD, to announce that in a womb somewhere, their child is growing. Tom is 23 years old and DLB is 43 years old. So half of the room is probably shouting “You too young! You should be out there ho-ing it up instead of changing diapers!” at Tom, while the other half of the room is screaming “You too old! You’re gonna have to drag your oxygen tank to your kid’s graduation!” at DLB.
Tom and DLB announced they’re going to be dads by holding up a picture of their fetus’ first picture. Because of Tom’s stage six scared face, this looks more like a hostage photo of them holding up today’s newspaper.
I don’t blame Tom for making a “the hell am I getting myself into?” face. Raising a baby can be a scary thing. Babies are selfish and can suck up all of your time and money. So if Tom wants to hook up with another hot model, he’ll not only have to find the time to do it, but he’ll have to spend money on a hotel too. And why do I have a feeling that Dolce & Gabbana are going to send their friend Tom a custom-made D&G onesie that reads: Child Of Chemistry!