The naked dick-headed dick men of the Olympics in PyeongChang!
And just like that, PyeongChang 2018 has become my favorite Olympics in a long time. First, it started off with a bang (specifically, a headless-dick-looking fire rod banging out a flaming load onto a cauldron), and now I see that they’ve got three naked man statues with penis heads in front of the Alpensia Ski Jumping Center. Add those dick men statues to the fact that there’s a penis park not too far from PyeongChang,and one can only jizz up the conclusion that South Korea loves dick!!! (Although, you could say that their neighbor North Korea loves dick more since they’ve got a big, fat, messy once as their dictator). If I ever go to South Korea, I will never leave since my tongue will latch onto one of their gorgeous dick statues and never let go.
Buzzfeed says that the three dick men statues are called “Bullet Men” and they’ve been in PyeongChang since 2009. They’re supposed to symbolize “the human desire for a cool body, wealth, honor with a concrete image,” but they’re pulling all of our dicks with that one. Because all I see are three dream men that you can ride and blow at the same time. This is also artistic commentary on the phrase, “Men think with their dicks.”
The three dick men have become a meme in the homeland of The Penis Festival, Japan, after Tokyo Sports wrote about them. People in Japan have been using the Twitter hashtag モルゲッソヨ when sharing their take on the three dick men statues. モルゲッソヨis the Japanese spelling for the Korean phrase “I don’t know.” Tokyo Sports claims that’s what Olympic staff said to them after they asked about the statues.
People have obviously been inspired by the three dick men…. Presenting the dick man latte (which sort of looks like a fat, throbby peen with a backwards Darth Vader helmet on its head).
— じょーじ (@george_10g) February 9, 2018
And the three dick men Legos.
— kazuki (@clkgtr0728) February 10, 2018
And my personal favorite, the hot muscled-up piece doing family-friendly dick men cosplay:
— 茂る (@shigel_marv) February 11, 2018
The Olympic people should really put guards around those statues. Because not only are the three dick men priceless international treasures, but I have a feeling that John Travolta is going to drag Tom Cruise to South Korea so that Tommy can use his high-level Scientology bridge queen mind powers to move those statues all the way back to the Celebrity Centre bathhouse.