Madonna recently posted a video of herself getting forked real good on Instagram. And for once, Madonna is doing something age appropriate! Like any other 59 year old, she’s just discovered the joys of Snapchat filters, five years after the kids have moved on to whatever it is the kids have moved on to.
Here’s Madge letting us see how the sausage is made at the hands of her aesthetician who goes by the name of Skillets, because of course Madonna’s aesthetician is named Skillets.
Skillets seems like fun, I would totally let Skillets fork my face. I asked my friend, who’s an aesthetician named Salad Tongs, about forking and she says it uses electric currents to distress the cells so they plump up (confirmed here). I appreciate that Madonna is so open about what it takes to keep the ravages of time at bay. In a recent Vogue interview, Madge revealed her ideal morning beauty ritual (via Women’s Health Magazine):
On an ideal day, the pop start (sic) said, “I would wake up and put my eye mask on. I would lay there for a little while and take the rose mist spray—I wouldn’t get out of bed—and then use my Cryo-Sticks [refrigerated, stainless-steel wands intended to de-puff skin and cut redness], which I store in the freezer. Then, I’d lay there for 10 or 20 minutes, until my puffy eyes go down, while I’m served coffee, of course.” She also uses a clay mask on all dry body parts (“even my butt”) and swears by oxygen treatments to keep her skin hydrated.
You know, after reading this, I’m really starting to get a Joan Crawford vibe. I mean, between the adopted children, the cone boobs and the stabbing of people with forks, it’s all very familiar.